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#1 RetiredMember2

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Posted 12 August 2010 - 11:27 AM

I thought this might be an entertaining thread for the Tav seeing as how there are so many writers posting on VN. So to begin with here's a little something I penned during my time in the cooler that I call "Reflections from the Village of The Banned" to be read to the tune of The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five:

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under ah huh huh huh
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

Broken threads everywhere
Some people posting bout the mutliplex others just don't care
Some can't take the heat, some can't take the noise
Some complain about the posters to take away the voice
Mods in the mod house smell a dirty rat
Lawyers in the alley with their litigation hats

Don't push me cos I'm close to the edge
I'm trying not to lose my head, ah huh-huh-huh
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under ah huh huh huh
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under


Some post bout what they watching on wide screen TV
Say they watch it too much, they know it's not healthy
JK in the daytime, BB at night
They'd prefer to watch the match or a heavy weight fight
Others post about being cheerful, some prefer to have a whine
About things that annoy them or the East London Line
Some wax lyrical, others post cynical,
Pot holes, crime waves, garden gates
Dog attacks, graffiti and things they hate
Flower beds in Westow Park, squatters in a pub
Trout fishing on Norwood Lakes, it's all happening in da hub

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under ah huh-huh-huh
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

A church was born with no place to mind
No where to spread it's message to mankind
The fastest growing branch of Christianity,
Decided to take a brand new territory
Snatched the only D2 venue from the hands of City Screens
Convinced that Crystal Place needed a change of scenes
Souls need saving, Champions need Raising
KICC say the non believers need awaking,
But the locals knew bout all the number book takers
The unregulated Pastors who are the big money makers
Driving flash cars, spending twenties and tens
They don't want the kids to grow up to be just like them ah huh,

It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under
It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

#2 RetiredMember1

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Posted 12 August 2010 - 11:33 AM

Bloody brilliant, may I say!!! :D

#3 Dazza

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Posted 12 August 2010 - 01:16 PM

Terrific ah huh huh huh

You are truly the peoples poet of Virtual Norwood or possibly our very own Ian Dury perhaps.

I can see the titles now

Victorian Railing Blues

Pot Hole glories

Reasons to be fearful part 4 !

Dazza
Your obviously mistaken me with someone who gives a fig

#4 RetiredMember2

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Posted 12 August 2010 - 04:56 PM

Terrific ah huh huh huh

You are truly the peoples poet of Virtual Norwood or possibly our very own Ian Dury perhaps.

I can see the titles now

Victorian Railing Blues

Pot Hole glories

Reasons to be fearful part 4 !

Dazza



Thanks very much GillW and Dazza though am not sure you should be encouraging this! The nomination for People's Poet is very kind but I don't think messing around with the lyrics of some old classics makes me a contender for that most honourable of accolades.

Am loving the suggested titles Dazza but I think Reasons to be Fearful part 4 should only be reworked Dazza style....come on give us a bit of Ian Dury and the Blockheads, you know you want to! :D

#5 Dazza

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 11:07 AM

I must admit I would love to re work Ian Jurys song who I considered a genuis but have you ever looked at the original lyrics to that song I !

I wouldnt know where to start. But I wish I had the talent to do so !

Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed

Reasons to be cheerful part 3

1 2 3

Summer, Buddy Holly, the working folly
Good golly Miss Molly and boats
Hammersmith Palais, the Bolshoi Ballet
Jump back in the alley and nanny goats

18-wheeler Scammels, Domenecker camels
All other mammals plus equal votes
Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willy
Being rather silly, and porridge oats

A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it
You're welcome, we can spare it - yellow socks
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty
Going on 40 - no electric shocks

The juice of the carrot, the smile of the parrot
A little drop of claret - anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, days when I ain't spotty,
Sitting on the potty - curing smallpox

Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3

1 2 3

Reasons to be cheerful part 3

Health service glasses
Gigolos and brasses
round or skinny bottoms

Take your mum to paris
lighting up the chalice
wee willy harris

Bantu Stephen Biko, listening to Rico
Harpo, Groucho, Chico

Cheddar cheese and pickle, the Vincent motorsickle
Slap and tickle
Woody Allen, Dali, Dimitri and Pasquale
balabalabala and Volare

Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying hokey-dokey, singalonga Smokey
Coming out of chokey

John Coltrane's soprano, Adi Celentano
Bonar Colleano

Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3

1 2 3

Yes yes
dear dear
perhaps next year
or maybe even never

in which case

Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3

1 2 3

Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3

1 2 3
Reasons to be cheerful part 3
Your obviously mistaken me with someone who gives a fig

#6 RachelF

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 04:19 PM

All I can manage is doggerel, although I am quite good at that :) And limericks, especially at my friendsd' expenses!
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#7 Summit Lover

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Posted 13 August 2010 - 11:02 PM

I am sad/happy to say I used to know (and probably still do) all the lyrics to 'New Boots and Panties' by heart (showing my age again :unsure: )

#8 RetiredMember2

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Posted 14 August 2010 - 09:38 AM

I'm with you on ID Dazza. RachelIF go on, give us a limerick? And SL at the peachy age of 104 I consider meself a spring chuck so come on continue the Dazza inspired homage to ID, I'd like to see (as in read!) your New Boots and Panties.

Reasons to be Cheerful is impossible to rework in full so I toyed with the idea of Hit me and came up with
Hit me with your stunning wit,
hit me, hit me,
It's not nice to be a hypocrite
Hit me, hit me, hit me

But that was rubbish so I went back to Reasons and came up with an abridged local version, here goes:

Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed

Triangle, traders, Blackbird Bakers
Movers, shakers, shops and bars,
Haynes Lane, Antenna, two courses for a tenner
One way system, too many cars

18-century dinosaurs, sculptures, sphinxes
Dudes, minxes and bats in the park
Victorian mazes, vintage car races, Grand Prix
Check out the paces what a lark.

Local features hitter, The glossy Transmitter
News and views, double spread
Lack of of decorum in the chamber or the forum
Begs the question, why don't you get back into bed
Why don't you get back into bed
(repeat x20 and fade out)
The End

#9 RachelF

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Posted 14 August 2010 - 04:16 PM

I am half way there. Having problems with coming up with words that rhyme with 'palace'. The first one that sprung to mind, I am afraid, was too rude (begins with ph... sorry!)
I will get there.
I have been writing a novel based in CP, WN and Streatham, but I fear it will never get beyond Livejournal. Plus now I have moved to Sydenham the protagonists may have to too so major edit!

Edited by RachelF, 14 August 2010 - 04:22 PM.

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#10 Dazza

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Posted 14 August 2010 - 04:59 PM

Hats off you are indeed on a par with Mr Jury Citizen M !
Your obviously mistaken me with someone who gives a fig

#11 RachelF

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 07:43 PM

I need a last line for this. Normally I can churn them out, but possibly 'performance problems' so to speak. Anyway

There was a young man from the Palace
Who everyday was perpetually embarassed
He'd walk up Gipsy Hill
Feeling horribly ill
And throw up at the top in a chalice

The last line is really bad. So as I said, alternatives appreciated.
I got a bit distracted from this as a result of a friend telling me that her first crush was on Brian Cant (different thread really, and you have to be in your late 30s at least to know who I am talking about, I suppose) and got absorbed in a silly piece on what might have happened if Brian had met Immanuel (Kant) in a bar. Maybe I should change the gender of the person in the limeric, given the embarassment factor of this.

Edited by RachelF, 18 August 2010 - 07:44 PM.

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#12 RetiredMember2

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 12:12 PM

This is what happens when you get distracted by a couple of Kants RachelIF!

Congratulations on the virgin limerick tis a nice addition to Poet's Corner. I have come up with an XXXX version using the word you mentioned a few posts back but seeing as how I've already done time for less, best not go down those lines. Here's a cleaned up version of the dirty dtty:

There was a young man from the Palace
Who everyday was perpetually embarassed
He'd set of for work
Feeling a jerk
And wishing he wasn't so harassed

#13 RachelF

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 01:09 PM

Very funny!
Clearly dirty minds think alike!
'Palace' rhymes might wear thin though.
malice
Alice (?!)
Callous
amourous (a bit cheaty but could work)
ballust


Anyone got any more?

Edited by RachelF, 19 August 2010 - 01:12 PM.

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#14 Anthony

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 03:01 PM

Seeing as how that time of year will come around again and to prove to myself that I do not spend most of my time beating Jeremy Paxman to the answers I thought that I would kill two birds with one stone, firstly treat you all to a rendering and secondly to quote the bard (Frankie Howard) bring a little couth into the thread.
So here it is.
I do ask you to bear with me on all the grammar and spelling mistakes.

Santa Claus is having trouble
Most all the time he’s seeing double
Elves all bolshie work to rule
Dampens down his tidal Yule.
Christmas trains all on strike
Mrs. Claus has pinched his bike.
Rudolph red now nose so grey
Only touches ‘Bio’ hay,
Price of Turkey rising steady
Sleigh is down no spare parts ready.
Neighbours court case about noise
From Factory providing toys,
Competition is still seeking
To muscle in, those clones from Peking.

Mrs.C. she’s giving stick
What a fool, that old St.Nick!
It’s not enough, he’s down the local
Stout and that, and ‘knees up’ total.
One thing gets her right uptight
“Around the world and up all night!
I tell you, if I was his boss
And do you know what those red socks cost?
I’d trim his beard and that’s a fact,
At his age too, no way to act”

He’s right cheesed of with all that talk
Looks like he will have to walk
Again this year like eighty eight,
When British Rail was running late.
It’s not the walk, he’s got the boots,
It’s the weight of all those sacks of loot.
Kids today, that caused a frown
One stocked the fire while coming down,
The little devil stopped to gloat
Played havoc with his old red coat
And how the brat just stood and sneered,
Old Father C. with burning beard.

“Got you now” you little rotter
All the time feet getting hotter.
Lots of work and deadline near
“Hey, you can’t park that thing ‘ere.
Move along, lets make it snappy
I don’t care if your not ‘appy.
It’s the law, I didn’t make it,
Shift your bum, go on, shake it.”
Wanted to join the union BEA,
Ended with a definite ‘Nay’.
Midst of all those flying things
It wouldn’t work, he had no wings,
Put him in an awkward spot
In the sky’s no Parking lot,
And on the roofs, oh brother,
One Sky dish after another.

Tried zipping past and dropping stuff
The going got a little rough
Just up around old Kentish Town
Two chimney pots came crashing down
Don’t see that often, got the hump
Wears two hats now one on each bump.
Work is done, had enough
Going home now, traffic’s tough
Feed the reindeer then he’s through
Maybe throttle him an Elf or two
Show that Rudolph once and for all
Have him stuffed, head on the wall.
Boots off, feet up, that’s the stuff,
Mrs.C still in a huff
For Mr.C lets hear a cheer
And praise the fact it’s once a year!


Hope you enjoyed that, no donations please.

#15 RetiredMember2

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 04:24 PM

Excellent Yuletide stanzas and a well rounded Santa.

Congratulations Anthony, you have just posted the first poem on PC thus saving the thread from a bawdy spiral. Bottoms up! :D