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Poet's Corner

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#61 Dazza


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Posted 08 October 2010 - 12:41 PM

Citizen M apologies have only just seen the ode dedicated to myself !

I am going to print it out & hand it to the boys at the Palace Spice.

Wish I was talented enough to return the compliment.

Your obviously mistaken me with someone who gives a fig

#62 RetiredMember2



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Posted 08 October 2010 - 01:44 PM

Aw ta very much Sylvester and Dazza for the nice feedback and yes I agree with you Sylvester, the lack of poetry in schools is a worry. Seems to me the "system" has wrung all the fun out of the English language, no wonder we have yet another generation put off by apostrophes and where to put 'em....

Dazza, I would be very worried were you to even begin drafting a poem in my, ahem, honour, would I have to be "straight on the phone to my lawyer"??? :ph34r:

Would it go something like:

There's a poster called Citizen M
Who thinks she's s**t hot with the pen
But her writing's a curse
Worse still her verse
Yet she bangs them out time and again

#63 RetiredMember2



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Posted 12 October 2010 - 09:38 AM

Thought I'd bump up the poetry with a little something to be read to the tune of Bobbie Gentry's Ode to Billie-Joe. Check out the following link if you need a reminder http://www.dailymoti...-joe-1967_music :)

Ode to Crystal Palace:

It was the middle of October, another sleepy, dusty Crystal Palace day
I was out vintage shopping trying not to spend all my hard earned pay
At lunch time I stopped and made my way to the public house to eat
The bar tender hollered at me " i've just cleaned the floor, please remember to wipe your feet"
And then she said "I got some news this mornin' from Croydon Council's planning team"
They say they gonna pedestrianise the Triangle, pave the roads and make The Palace green!"

Well neighbour said to neighbour as we passed around the blackeyed peas
"First time Croydon's shown a lick of sense, now can we have some more beer please,
As there's still five more shops in Westow Street that we gotta plough"
The bar tender said she was surprised to hear about Croydon's plans, anyhow
Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good down in them council chambers
Folk reckon this town would be better off being run by the Palace Park Rangers.

The bar tender said to me "What's happened to your appetite?"
I've been cookin' all morning and you haven't touched a single bite.
That nice young preacher, Reverend Rumsey, dropped by earlier today
Said his band The Effras would be here Sunday, it's free entry by the way
He said he saw someone that looked a lot like you up in the Council chambers"
And he wondered is it true what they say about the Palace Park Rangers.

One neighbour said he recollected when Dazza, Uncle Wilf and Billie Joe
Went to the Gipsy Hill Tavern to watch the Crystal Palace Picture show
When they walked home up the hill and passed the Assembly Rooms that fateful night
They saw a man paste a demolition notice on a nearby post and so they got in a fight,
They ripped the notice down and bundled the man along the park's top ridge
And threatened to drive him and his notice off the top of the Dartford Bridge

A year has come 'n' gone since we heard the news 'bout the KICC
And still the last picture hall has been closed to you and to me
Taken over by the halleluja squad, who say it's money that will bring you close to God
And now they been told that they can't use the building as a church
They say they gonna run it as a gospel centre, ain't sure what's worse
And so now I spend a lot of time in meetings in the council chambers
That's why I reckon this town is better off served by the Palace Park Rangers

#64 RetiredMember2



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Posted 02 November 2010 - 04:49 PM

Thought I'd give this a bump with a little ditty inspired by discussion of (un)popular male seating habits :blink: <_< :blink: To be read to the tune of All Right Now:

There he sat on the seat, knees as wide apart as his feet
She thought, "Hey. Why so much space?
Now maybe he'll move if he sees the look on my face."
He thought,"Hey what's her game?
Maybe we don't see things the same"
She said, " Don't wait or hesitate
To move up before they raise the parking rate."
Sit up up now baby, can you sit up now
Sit up now baby, can you sit up now

Let me tell you how

He sat up in disgrace, watching every move on her face
She said, " Look what's you game?
The way you took up those two seats was a shame."
He said, " Slow don't go so fast
I didn't know you couldn't get passed"
She said, "Love, I'm not that big, I just don't wanna look at your rig,
But it's all right now baby, it's all right now
All right now baby, yeah it's all right now."

:) :) :D

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Posted 10 December 2010 - 05:42 PM

Here's a little Christmas fusion with a CP twist based on two classic Yule Tide poems:

The Night before Christmas featuring How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through Crystal Palace
The people were celebrating, passing the chalice
Brimful of bubbly to honour their win
Toasted peace and goodwill to neighbours and kin

Because earlier that night, at Bromley Town Hall
The entire community had their backs to the wall
When committee were split and it went to the Chair
The chance of a cinema was up in the air

And during those moments, all through the room
Not a person was stirring, not even to swoon
The tension it mounted, on edge of a knife
Till the Chair cast his vote, to give no.25 one more life

Though KICC owned it, they had no permission
To use it for worship, their charitable mission
The people were hopeful that at last they would sell
As Picture House Cinemas wanted to buy it as well

But the KICC would not move an inch
They sat on the building like a real life Grinch
Now every Palaceinian in The Palace liked cinema a lot...
But the Grinch who lived a whole 7 miles west, he did not!
The Grinch hated cinema, a past-time for fools
Glamourises voilence and breaks all Grinchy rules
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His heart or his bunions,
He stood there on Christmas Eve-No mince pies just onions,
Staring up from his pulpit with a sour, Grinchy frown,
A Picture Palace Campaign posters in every window in town.
For he knew every Palaceinian at the top of the hill,
Would not give up on the building nor bend to his will.
“And they’re writing to their Councillors!” he snarled with a sneer,
“No 25 belongs to me and it’s mine don't you hear!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop the objections from coming!”
I must make them accept me, I'll try to be nice.
I'll let them hire a room in my church to break the ice!"
And the more the Grinch thought of the community zing,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for twenty-six years I’ve been looking for a home!”
“I can't let the Palaceinians stop me" O, he did moan
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
All I need is a reindeer…” The Grinch looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Grinch said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Palaceinians lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
The Palaceinians' dreams of a cinema did dangle.
When he pulled up at the first Picture House on the Triangle.
“This is my building,” the old Grinchy Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof and shook his fist.
"This building is mine" he shouted from the steeple
"I'll use it for gospel entertainment for my people,
And you non-believers, well you just might as well,
Give up, convert, or go straight to hell!"

Now a whole year has passed since that fateful night
But the people have vowed to continue the fight
For the return of their only D2 use class venue
To put the silver screen back on the menu

The next fight will be played on the licensing field
And we're all in agreement, the last thing we need
Is another faith group, promising salvation
Taking over our town with its large congregation

Swamping the High Street and congesting the roads
Displacing the residents and shoppers with loads
In due course they will stifle the economy
Change the shape of the town and its autonomy

So this night before Christmas all through the town
There'll be no surrender, no lying down
We'll celebrate the season with friends, neighbours and kin
Take respite from campaigning, wait for the battle to begin!